Struggling with Depression

I am taking a break from writing about fun stuff like failed relationships, RVing, reality TV and my hatred of the Pittsburgh Penguins. I’m going to discuss my life a bit and a one-time battle I had with what I figure is depression. I’m going to tell you what I believed triggered it, what happened while I was fully into it and what got me out of it.

I had a telephone discussion with an ex. Mistake because she blames me leaving her for the misery she finds herself in these days. In fact, she finds great pleasure in letting me know all the crap she’s been through is not a result of her refusal to work full time like us savages, but due to the lack of support I gave her. Ok. Normally that wouldn’t  bother me, but this session was different. She blamed me for her not having any children. She told me she wanted to have three children and now she’s too old to have any (she is).

That made me feel bad. Then I thought sticking around her essentially ended my family line. She didn’t say so, but getting pregnant would have been difficult for her. And the fact of the matter is if she truly wanted to have a kid, we would have. Bottom line, you generally start kids with intercourse, and we weren’t having it. At least not with each other.

Anyway, I thought more about it until I could barely do anything. I would go to work, come home and get right into bed. I would lay there and let these “waves of blue” crash into me. Only after talking to a friend did I realize what was happening. She suggested I go see a therapist, which I did not. I was barely functioning but hardly anyone knew.

What got me through it? My cats. I did not always like cats. In fact, I never wanted to be around them. My cats took care of me. One of our cats would curl up next to me while I was in the fetal position. He would sleep next to me and purr. Our other cat, the anti social one, soon became much more friendly. Before long, both of them would come upstairs, get next to me and purr while my life was going into the tank.

Thats why I’m going to cry like a baby when my cats go. I really really owe them.

What snapped me out? Nothing in particular except a desire to get out of the pity party. I did. It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and start doing something.

Not everyone can do that. Hardly anyone can do that. It’s very hard. Depression is a mo—- f—-r. It can hurt you badly.

Posted in Crime, Entertainment, Loser, Money | Tagged , , | 1 Comment


I’m watching this Jacksonville – Tennessee game.

The Jags are bad, and they are on Thursday Night Football! That’s a combustible mix!

Of course, I watched them play the Raiders Sunday. The Jags kind of hung in there for a while, but quit in the 4th quarter. This game, with all kinds of sports pundits suggesting Gus Bradley is toast if they don’t win, they appear to have come out flat. As in, unwilling to play. It’s 10-0 Titans, and they aren’t any great shakes either.  Here’s the reality: Unless the Titans screw this up, it’s going to be 17-0 in a couple of minutes.

You’re watching a team quit.

Dante Fowler just picked up a personal foul. Jalen Ramsey picked up a personal foul after getting thrown out last week. Now Henry just ran for a touchdown and yes, it’s 17-0.

I’m unsure what kind of leadership this Jacksonville team has. There are some veterans, but I’m not sure if they are being listened to by their younger players.

I remember NFL Network put Blake Bortles as #56 of their top 100 players in the league. That’s right, the entire NFL. LOL, Blake Bortles might not be in the top 56 players on the field tonight. Allen Robinson is #31 and he’s been invisible in Sunday’s game as well as tonight’s. The Jags just totally quit on defense on a pass to Supernaw, where he might have run it in for a touchdown. Besides stepping out of bounds, no one gave him a shot to get him out of bounds.

The broadcasters just said Gus Bradley needs to pull his team over for a talk. Like that hasn’t happened; like that is going to do any good. Whether it’s a touchdown or not, the Titans are going to score on this drive and win going away. They did; it’s now 24-0.

If I’m Gus Bradley, I might quit on the team. Let these guys humiliate themselves tonight on national TV. The one thing you want out of a team is effort; like they are trying. Jacksonville’s team, from Blake Bortles down didn’t show up for an NFL game tonight. I’d bench him.

Posted in Douchery, Douchetastic, Football, Fraudulent, NFL | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cubs to the World Series

Something most of us hadn’t seen in our lifetimes: the Chicago Cubs are headed to the World Series! They beat the Dodgers 5-0 tonight to wrap up the NLCS, 4 games to two.

BSP was not always a big fan of the Cubs. Especially the supposedly loyal Cubs fan. We go back to the infamous Lee Elia “85% are employed and 15% come out and boo my team” rant:

It was true. For decades, the Cubs didn’t give a crap about winning. It was all about filling that stupid ball park, getting drunk with the broadcaster, worshipping bad baseball and calling it “tradition.” Specifically, the “Throw it back” nonsense if you were fortunate enough to catch a home run ball by a major league player.  BSP always hoped record breaking homers were caught by a Wrigley Field crowd so yes, they would throw it back or get beat half to death by a bunch of drunks while trying to escape with it.

This Cubs team is different. Led by manager Joe Maddon, this Cubs team was determined to win. Yes, the new era Cubs were trying to win instead of running things on a shoestring budget in front of a bunch of drunks and a bellowing drunken broadcaster. With solid pitching, a strong everyday lineup and Chapman out of the bullpen, these Cubs deserve kudos. Theo Epstein is now a certified genius, as if he weren’t already. They are the National League champions for the first time in 71 years. 

One thing for sure, someone who hasn’t won in a long time is going to carry home the World Series title. 1908 vs 1948, even though Cleveland should have won in 1997. It’s good to see someone new.

Posted in Baseball, Douchery, Homerism, Money, sports | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thursday Night Sacrifice

You know Thursday Night Football is pretty much terrible. The interesting thing about it is, the league seems to prefer one team over the other in selecting its Thursday Night Sacrifice. That is, the road team on the short week. Tonight’s sacrifice is the Chicago Bears. One of the worst teams in the sport, the Bears are playing the Green Bay Packers, one of the teams that just happen to benefit from “home field advantage” a lot. The NFL insists the broadcast network’s top crews do the Thursday Night Sacrifice game. The league must pick its worst officiating crew to do this game, because it seems week after week, there are a torrent of calls against the road team.

I can tell you with certainty, the Packers wideouts are some of the most overrated in the sport. Slow, slower and slowest. But they get about 3 or 4 pass interferences a game, mostly because they “create contact” as they say in basketball. Just like in basketball, it’s crap. Some teams get those calls, others don’t. The Packers, by the way, have never committed offensive holding. 

It’s boring to watch, which might have something to do with the downturn in ratings. You know, ratings. It’s how the NFL can demand a lot of money from networks. Perhaps the league will make some changes to the Thursday Night Sacrifice.

Posted in Cheaters, Douchery, Football, Fraudulent, Homerism, NFL, sports | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Panhandling and How We Treat Each Other

I live in South Texas in a city with a reputation for helping people. For example, San Antonio set aside a building on Port San Antonio for refugees from Hurricane Katrina. I know how labor-intensive that effort was, because I took part in it. We essentially stripped an office building of cube furniture and installed 1500 cots in four rooms. I was in the military then, but we were volunteers helping out.

That was back in 2006. Today, San Antonio has another type of persons who need help. These people are panhandlers. Panhandling in this city has reached epidemic proportions. Because San Antonio has a serious inferiority complex, you won’t hear about the panhandling epidemic on the local news. Here,  never is heard a discouraging word, but just about anyone with a car knows panhandling is rampant here.

A regular citizen can be confronted with panhandling whenever they go in public, especially if its a halfway decent area of town. While panhandling at highway intersections is commonplace, shopping center parking lots are the “new normal.” I’ve been accosted in parking lots by the “family in need”, needing a few dollars to help them out … complete with children sitting in a minivan. That’s happened at least five times, once by the same woman in different parking lots. I’ve also been asked by the dude down on his luck, who needed a few bucks for a hotel room, when it’s about to pour down outside. The panhandler assumes you have cash. In the few seconds you have available, you have to decide if you’re going to open your wallet, give someone cash and expose your life to them, or you’re going to refuse them.

At church, we had a person do a skit as a homeless person. Many people felt for the homeless person. I did as well. But there’s a part of me — a large part — that believes almost all panhandlers are faking it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be panhandling. I can’t even recall a situation where I’ve given money to panhandlers. Here, panhandlers are successful because of San Antonio’s nature, which is to help people enduring a non-positive situation. As for myself, I believe the best way to contribute to those in a difficult situation is to contribute with time and money to shelters. That in my opinion, is doing God’s work.

I mentioned how we treat each other. Today, I had a man from a company come by to do some work. He was working in the attic, which he does all day long. It’s still ridiculously hot here. I got the man a glass of ice water. Here it is, 5 PM and he chugs it down. He says to me:

Thank you. That’s the first glass of water I’ve gotten today

I wondered if this San Antonio generosity is misplaced. Here, a person is doing work for me. All I did was get him a glass of water, as human decency. People couldn’t even do that because “he’s getting paid.” Someone stands on a corner and begs you for money and people give it to them because they appear to be in a bad situation. As far as you know, that person is doing better than you are. From what I’ve seen, they are doing better.

This cemented my opinion of panhandlers: I watched one do his thing for a couple of hours. Stood in the intersection near a major highway and a shopping center. Limped around from an alleged “injury.” When he was done panhandling, he went over to a “Corner Store” (Valero). Then he got into his late model Toyota Camry  parked by the store, and drove away.

I was furious. I wondered how many people had given that dude money based on the fact he appeared “injured?” He’s probably using it for car payments! I’ve seen people in really bad shape. I hate the fact there are kids hungry in this country. Panhandling isn’t the way to resolve it.




Posted in Bandwagoning, Cheaters, Consumerism, Douchery, Douchetastic, Fraudulent, Haterade, Loser, Money | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

St. Louis Rams Going Gunning

Nothing has changed.


I mentioned I had total disdain for the Denver Broncos. Another team I don’t like, even though they’re not in my team’s division or conference, is the St. Louis Rams.

The Rams go gunning for other team’s players.

I saw a couple of hits Buccaneers player took, including Jameis Winston getting roughed up and shoved around IN FRONT OF AN OFFICIAL and it’s clear: Gregg Williams and Jeff Fisher have their defensive players gunning for other teams players. I’m not the only one to say that, either.  Mike Zimmer called out Jeff Fisher for his team’s dirty play. Rodney Harrison, an expert on dirty play provided this bit of insight when he played against one of Fisher’s teams , tweeting after the Rams KOed Teddy Bridgewater:

“typical of Jeff Fisher type teams.”

After this dirty hit by the Rams on Odell Beckham Jr., all hell broke loose:


Still, Beckham…

View original post 169 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dirtiest Team in Football

We once did a piece on how the Broncos would be the dirtiest team in football if it weren’t for the St. Louis Rams.

Well, they are the Los Angeles Rams now, and they are still the dirtiest team in football.  Just saw Alex Ogletree put a late hit on Jameis Winston and actually get flagged for it. It was a cheap shot and there was little doubt Ogletree meant to do it.

Jeff Fisher must have personal files on NFL and team ownerships. How that guy, who has had minimal success over his entire coaching career keeps a head coaching job is beyond me. Gregg Williams encouraged players to go after key body parts to cause injuries. He shouldn’t even be in professional football.

Posted in Cheaters, Douchery, Douchetastic, Football, Fraudulent, Loser, NFL | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Yellowstone #1: The Park

This is the first of the 4 part series. As you all know, Yellowstone is a large national park in northwest Wyoming, with portions in Idaho and Montana. We visited all three states while we were there. Let’s show you Yellowstone so you can get an idea of what you’re facing:


You’ll note Yellowstone’s roads consist of spurs coming off what appears to be a rough figure 8, the Grand Loop. Our goal was originally to visit a quarter of the figure 8 per day, and go out the spurs later. We revised this once we determined we could visit more quickly.

Day 1: Mammoth Hot Springs. We visited Canyon (our favorite), went to Tower for lunch, Mammoth Hot Springs, then went down past Norris, Canyon and back to Fishing Bridge.


Yellowstone River

Day 2: Old Faithful to West Yellowstone, into Montana and Idaho


Old Faithful

Day 3: Northeast Entrance. We saw bison, a pronghorn and mountain goats. Actually I never saw the goats until we did the photos. I took a shot at a white dot. The dot turned out to be two mountain goats. They were no less than 3 miles away.

Have you noticed I don’t give away my best photos? I used to put my best photos on Facebook, but they used them to advertise that site. I quit Facebook for that reason.


Lamar Valley

Day 4: West Thumb/South Entrance/Grand Teton/Jackson – this was a really long day, we ended up driving about 230 miles. We almost didn’t get back in time to make dinner. Still we ended up visiting Grand Teton National Park, Jackson, WY, Mormon Row, Cunningham Cabin, and various points opposite the rugged peaks of the Tetons.



Day 5: We had been on every main road in the park, except a 5-mile stretch to the north from Mammoth Hot Springs to the (Roosevelt) entrance. We knew that was going to be on Day 6, so we took another tour by the Canyon. We also visited the Lake region.


Lake Hotel

Day 6: Wildlife Day. We chose to get up early and check out animals around dawn. Most of the animals didn’t cooperate. This loop took us out the Roosevelt entrance, into Montana and then back down past Mammoth Hot Springs, Norris geyser basin, Canyon and back to Fishing Bridge.


Day 7: Our shortest day was to Grant Village. We visited there, drove back out towards the East entrance. We were getting snowfall, so we chose to return before getting to the Sylvan pass.


Day 8: We completed the bottom of the Grand Loop. I wanted to see Old Faithful again, so we did that, circled back out to Madison, Norris, one last stop at Canyon where I descended 600 feet to get some GREAT Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone River shots, then back down to Fishing Bridge. We packed and left the next day. Altogether, we drove 1075 miles. Unfortunately, we didn’t go 1/2 mile from any road. The park rangers told us 90% of Yellowstone visitors don’t go further than 1/2 mile from a road, sad for what should be recognized as wilderness.

Posted in Camping, Camping, Photography, Travel, Vacation | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment