Struggling with Depression

I am taking a break from writing about fun stuff like failed relationships, RVing, reality TV and my hatred of the Pittsburgh Penguins. I’m going to discuss my life a bit and a one-time battle I had with what I figure is depression. I’m going to tell you what I believed triggered it, what happened while I was fully into it and what got me out of it.

I had a telephone discussion with an ex. Mistake because she blames me leaving her for the misery she finds herself in these days. In fact, she finds great pleasure in letting me know all the crap she’s been through is not a result of her refusal to work full time like us savages, but due to the lack of support I gave her. Ok. Normally that wouldn’t ┬ábother me, but this session was different. She blamed me for her not having any children. She told me she wanted to have three children and now she’s too old to have any (she is).

That made me feel bad. Then I thought sticking around her essentially ended my family line. She didn’t say so, but getting pregnant would have been difficult for her. And the fact of the matter is if she truly wanted to have a kid, we would have. Bottom line, you generally start kids with intercourse, and we weren’t having it. At least not with each other.

Anyway, I thought more about it until I could barely do anything. I would go to work, come home and get right into bed. I would lay there and let these “waves of blue” crash into me. Only after talking to a friend did I realize what was happening. She suggested I go see a therapist, which I did not. I was barely functioning but hardly anyone knew.

What got me through it? My cats. I did not always like cats. In fact, I never wanted to be around them. My cats took care of me. One of our cats would curl up next to me while I was in the fetal position. He would sleep next to me and purr. Our other cat, the anti social one, soon became much more friendly. Before long, both of them would come upstairs, get next to me and purr while my life was going into the tank.

Thats why I’m going to cry like a baby when my cats go. I really really owe them.

What snapped me out? Nothing in particular except a desire to get out of the pity party. I did. It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and start doing something.

Not everyone can do that. Hardly anyone can do that. It’s very hard. Depression is a mo—- f—-r. It can hurt you badly.

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Same Old Raiders

Watched the Raiders last night against the Tennessee Titans. One of the broadcasters in last night’s game stated he expected the Raiders to make a move in the division … next year. I was inclined to agree.

As a matter of fact, looking at this team last night, I am reminded of a discussion with a friend of mine last week. I “predicted” the Raiders would go 9-7 … or 4-12, based on their inability to resolve whatever was going on with Derek Carr. Carr did not play well down the stretch, even in games the Raiders won. The unfortunate thing about Carr’s late season performance is, it coincides with a substance that has derailed careers: game tape. 

I know Raiders fans, Amari Cooper hurt his foot. Rodney Hudson and Austin Howard suffered injuries. Still, Blake Bortles and Teddy Bridgewater had far worse lines to play behind, yet were still effective.

This Raiders team hasn’t looked a bit different than those Raiders from late last season, even with the multiple free agents brought in to bolster the roster. The team looks undisciplined, picking up more penalties than normal. Another annoying fact; the Raiders defense has been pummeled to start off these exhibition games. Eddie Lacy and the Titans multi-runner attack pounded them in back-to-back games.  It’s reminiscent of those Raiders teams over the past decade. 

Once again, I know, it’s exhibition season. But there’s a reason some teams like New England seem to win no matter what. Meanwhile, some teams like the Raiders get gashed by RB of the week in preseason, then do it throughout the regular season. Losing is a habit.

If you think losing in preseason is okay, you don’t realize your team is supposed to try to win every game.

Posted in cut, Douchery, Douchetastic, Money, NFL, sports | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kaepernick’s National Anthem Protest

Here at BSP’s HQ, we believe strongly in freedom of expression. We see now where niners QB Colin Kaepernick is expressing his distaste with the way things are by sitting during the national anthem:

“I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color.”

Now that’s just stupid. Millions of Americans have fought and died so people like Kaepernick could have the freedoms they enjoy today. In those millions, people of color are included.

By the way, didn’t Kaepernick get flagged for using the “N” word a couple of years ago? You know, back when he was good?  

Anyway, we at BSP HQ believe Kaepernick is trying to force his way out of SF and this is just another ill-timed method to do so.

Posted in Celebrity Wannabe, Douchery, Football, Loser, sports, Sports Media Douchery | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tony Romo: Time to think about Packing it In

We’re acknowledged as Cowboys “dislikers” here. However, no one, and I mean no one who has ever suffered through back problems, liked this hit. Furthermore, Tony Romo has never been “The Problem” with the Cowboys. FYI, the problem has been the owner and media suck ups who claim “Quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys” is some special position. Understand this, CowboysFan: Quincy Carter was your starter in the recent past, and that guy just got arrested again this week.

I digress. We have to go back to objectivity here. BSP believes it’s time for Tony Romo to consider packing it in. He’s not getting any younger. He’s basically missing a full season plus due to injuries. Romo, in fact had surgery this offseason to help keep his collarbone in place. This season is a throwaway for the Cowboys and even if Romo comes back, he’s likely to be very rusty anyway.

There’s some thought here Romo is thinking about a post-NFL career. No doubt he could make a lot of money in sports media. I’m just saying there are options other than getting your bones broken playing football.

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Leslie Jones Website Hacked and Photos Posted

The New York Times reported the actress Leslie Jones had her website hacked, and nude photos of her were posted to a page on the site.

Photo by Jordan Strauss / Invision, by way of the Associated Press.

I’m sure Ms. Jones is embarrassed over the posting of the photos.

BSP says, “so what?”

What we know at BSP HQ is, everybody has tits, an ass and something between their legs. Yes men, you have tits. Some men are voluptuous. You know BSP, if you’ve been reading this for more than a minute, finds men’s bodies disgusting. Especially old men, with huge guts and sloppy asses. You know, the majority 

We already know Leslie Jones has tits and an ass. So what? It’s not a tremendous deal. Check this out: a candidate for President of the United States has the potential First Lady show up on a newspaper cover naked. The candidate doesn’t give a shit. We don’t give a shit about Leslie Jones body on full public display.

Maybe everyone should post a naked picture of themselves on their web site. It’s how you enter the world. It’s how God created you. We’re not going first, but thats the only way to show we are all equal.

Sorry this happened, Ms. Jones. Look at it this way: you have admirers, since no one would waste their time doing this if they didn’t admire you.

Posted in Crime, Douchery, Douchetastic, Entertainment, Smokin' Hot, Trash TV | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Please Pray for him

I was in church today when I remembered a colleague asking me to pray for a friend of his. His friend is someone I know; he recently had surgery. Personally, I think the guy is ok — as OK as someone you really don’t know very well can be — but I figured he’d be repulsed by the thought of anyone praying for him.

The friend has shown nothing of godly behavior; in fact the only thing I know of the friend and God is his use of g–d— repeatedly. 

He wished the living, New Orleans residents — the victims of Hurricane Katrina —  had just died instead.

He wished he could go back in time to shoot a couple of prominent political figures. 

In his eyes, females exist for sexual pleasure and procreation.

I did pray for his health, regardless of whether he thinks it would “work” though. I also prayed for God to work on his heart. I did pray for him, but not entirely in the manner suggested. Sometimes you pray for people to realize there is more out there than just themselves, immediate family and a couple of so-called friends who would desert you in a second if you got into real trouble. What I’m saying is not just political correctness either. I’m not going political, but you can give a f**k about someone other than yourself without compromising your principles.

So I prayed for him, for more than I anticipated.

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Tamron 150-600MM

I just purchased a Tamron 150-600mm lens for an upcoming trip. I had originally thought about renting a Nikon 200-400mm lens, except it would cost nearly as much to rent as the Tamron would to purchase. The store I was at, Camera Exchange showed me the Tamron lens for Nikon. I looked it over, did a weekend’s worth of research and decided to buy it. I took a couple of shots with the Tamron, and with my Nikon 24-120mm kit lens with my D750 just to give you a chance to look at what the device could do:

Tamron 150-600mm at 600mm:


Nikon 24-120mm at 120mm:


This isn’t a super comparison, because the 24-120mm isn’t a great lens and does not have the capability of the Tamron. The big deal is, the Tamron works well in relatively good light. I can use the Tamron when I have my tripod, good light and I want to do long-range wildlife shots.

Oh, did I mention the Tamron is about $1,000 while the Nikon 200-400mm, a truly awesome low light piece of glass, is roughly $7,000? I don’t know about you but I don’t have unlimited funds. When you buy Nikon cameras, you typically do so for the lenses. Nikon builds superior lenses. Then again, unless you do photography for a living or at least as a big time hobby, you look for what you can afford. The Tamron 150-600 mm is affordable.

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Missed Approach

Last weekend, we went to a reunion in Tampa. It was pretty cool. The family had never had a reunion before and it ended up becoming a spectacular event. 

We flew back to San Antonio on a nonstop from Tampa. Since our airport in San Antonio sucks and is totally minor league, only one airline flies nonstop from Tampa; it’s a well known airline ending with “west.” When you fly into San Antonio, there’s a normal route. Your aircraft makes a tight turn over a military installation called Camp Bullis. This is to avoid disturbing luminaries like David Robinson and George Strait in their homes in the Dominion, despite the damn place having been built decades after the airport. Then your jet flies over The Rim, TX-1604, northwest San Antonio, low over US-281, and your jet lands. It’s routine. If you’ve flown into San Antonio regularly, that’s the way it is, with little change. 

Unless your aircraft executes a missed approach. The pilot went to full power just before US-281 and turned right over downtown San Antonio. 

From a pilot’s standpoint, a missed approach is nothing special. You practice them. Pilots can stop reading now. A missed approach from most passengers standpoint is “pee your pants” time, because you have no idea what’s happening. Especially when “west” Airlines  intercom isn’t working properly. Too funny, the flight attendant says “I think the pilot said there was a tractor on the runway.” Except it wasn’t funny. You have no idea what’s going on because your jet has gone to full power. We looped around the city, got back into the pattern, went to the approach and had a hot ass hard landing, the “west” airlines standard.

I tell myself “why worry about it because there’s nothing you can do anyway?” You do worry about it, because if you know a little bit about flying an airplane (I do, I worked in aircraft maintenance when I was in the service), you know there’s a lot happening. Workload increases. You can’t understand the aircraft commander so you don’t know about them. You can’t see out front of the aircraft so you don’t know. Is it something on the runway or something else? 

A white knuckle flier like myself does not enjoy discrepancies in their flights.

Posted in Air Travel, Travel | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment