We’ve never used our four “Douche” categories in one post…until now.
Sorry Philip Rivers. Yes, even he would call Dukees “douchebags.”
John Saunders just pissed me off with a piece he’s doing on the Duke – Kentucky game. You know, the game that Satan Laettner hit a turnaround jumper at the end to win it. After the guy stomped a Kentucky player in the chest, which was conveniently not mentioned.
One of my colleagues used to ask me, “why don’t you like Duke?” After one of these sessions, the guy walked off after I got to reason #11. It’s actually quite complicated. A military officer I like and have a great deal of respect for, went to Duke. Fortunately, he had a personality acquired before Duke. It’s in a great area of the country, and its a fantastic school.
That’s all I like about Duke.
The three main reasons I don’t like Duke:
1) Different set of rules: See Satan Laettner’s stomp in the chest of a Kentucky player. Anyone from anywhere else is tossed from that game. But nooooo…he’s a Dukee. Oh, he didn’t really mean anything, did he? Uh, yes, he did mean something…like stomping the guy in the chest. Officials give Duke six points a game. They can hack like mad, but never get called. Funny how those “quick hands” turn into “busts” when they go NBA.
2) Fakeness: Did anyone really mistake Bobby Hurley, Laettener or anyone else who played basketball at Duke as a person they would really want to be around? Perhaps if you were a giant douchebag who likes hanging out with other giant douchebags. Otherwise, no. But to listen to the Dick Vitale’s groveling around that program, you’d think these were the greatest human beings ever. “Classy” is not a word associated with Duke. Ever.
3) Douche Factory Foreman: Coach K. Need I say more? The guy strikes me as plastic; a fake human being…as if he cares about his players. Well, actually he does for at least one year. When’s the last time he took a guy into that program because he wanted them to get a shot at a Duke education? He’s low risk. He’s the kind if he saw this blog post would hire a lawyer to sue me for defamation of character. The guy is a Bobby Knight without any of Bobby Knight’s forthright personality.
Kind of amusing to me is the placing of Laettner on the 1992 Olympic Team. You know, instead of Shaq O’Neal who was named one of the 50 Greatest NBA Players of All Time.
When Laettner was with Atlanta and Shaq was at Orlando, O’Neal just bulldozed him in a playoff game. You could see welts on Laettner. He got his @$$ kicked and I couldn’t help but think it had to do with O’Neal remembering he got bypassed for that Olympic team for Laettner. Of course, Laettner hardly played for that team.
There’s dozens of reasons to hate Duke: A continuous fratboy mentality (and we’re not even bringing up Duke frats, cough-cough), an obnoxious, douchetastic student body and let’s not even mention most of them are privileged. Hell, the reason Duke University exists is due to the philanthropy of James Buchanan Duke. He made much of his money stealing from tobacco farmers, and selling a product to people so they could DIE.
Suck it, Duke. You want to say everyone hates on you because you are Duke and they wish they could go there?
Aren’t you the “Harvard of the South?” They aren’t calling Harvard “Duke of the North”, are they?