On July 4th, as Americans, we are celebrating our freedom.
I can tell you what Freedom means to me:
Freedom means living in the best country in the world, bar none. If you don’t believe me, I’ve been to twenty other countries on four continents, and I’ve seen a bit of the world. Hey, I’ve seen 28 dudes…and dudes only…in July, living in a dorm in Kuwait with no air conditioning, no passports and no way to get home. Generally speaking, that doesn’t happen in the good ‘ol USA.
Freedom means you don’t have to do what your parents, or your family did for the past 300 years. Freedom means you can spout your idiotic political beliefs on a minute-by-minute basis and some scroat is going to agree with you, no matter how ridiculous you are. Freedom means the ability to eat 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes without having some Euro douche arrest you and throw you into jail. Freedom means big juicy medium rare strip steaks and a shot of whiskey. Freedom means getting to check out smoking hot chicks of every race, creed or color…and actually have a chance with one, regardless of (or depending on) how much money you have. Freedom means you can have a crapload of firearms. Freedom means the NFL is #1. Freedom means you can sue the hell out of people you think have done you wrong. Freedom means you can swing at a 3-0 pitch. Freedom means you don’t have to think soccer is awesome. Freedom means the only king you have is in a deck of cards. Freedom means Jerry Springer has been on for 25 years. Freedom means you can be an environmentalist and still drive a 10 mpg SUV. Freedom means you can pray to whomever you believe in. Freedom means your national elite can be replaced…without killing them. Freedom means you can obtain a worthwhile education. Freedom means you can come here illegally and make $3.25 an hour cleaning toilets at the local Wal-Mart super center…quadrupling your salary in your home country. Freedom means invading countries led by tyrants. Freedom means if the police bust in your house in the middle of the night, they might actually have a good reason. Freedom means you can turn the channel. Freedom means criminals have real trials. Freedom means America loves winners, and doesn’t kick losers in the face…too often. Freedom means we don’t let those high-and-mighty people think too much of themselves…unless you are a sportswriter like Wilbon. Freedom means you can pay $40,000 a night for a hotel suite if you can afford it. Freedom means you can “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps”, whatever the hell that means. Freedom means you can be A.J. Pierzynski and not only live, you can thrive.
Freedom means other countries care what you do. It also means they are jealous as hell of you. Freedom means don’t mess with the USA, or we can nuke you off the map.
I just shed a tear.