I’m almost done with this subject.
Think about the most humiliating moment of your life.
Now imagine it being played out on television screens all around you for … forever.
That’s what Janay Rice is going through right now. While we see the punch making contact with her, that’s her life. Now we see her on the floor of a casino elevator, being dragged out of it by her husband and father of her child. Then we (mercifully) see her exposed booty blurred out, finally. I guess the news media thought it was okay to show the video without the blurring. BSP says if you see it on TMZ, it must be true. But TMZ shows humiliating incidents like this to make money. And it IS humiliating to Janay.
Is that what it’s all about? We are over-the-top on punishing Ray Rice. We are hammering the NFL’s commissioner because he didn’t punish Ray Rice hard enough. But we are punishing Janay as well. Did Rice’s suspension help her? How does it help her in any way? How does repeatedly showing that video help Janay?
A thought: Roger Goodell saw that video, knew what happened but didn’t punish Ray Rice as much as he wanted to do so. Why? Because Janay Rice didn’t want her husband punished as badly as he deserved.
If you read the preceding post, you know we don’t like the NFL commissioner very much. But if he didn’t hammer Ray Rice because of Janay Rice, I’d have a new level of respect for the man. Come on. Do you think suspending Ray Rice without pay helps Janay Rice? Does it help their kids? Do our conclusions about her help? She’s staying with her because of the money. She’s a gold digger. Doesn’t want to work.
This is the conundrum involved in domestic violence situations. There are many people out there who want to know why she would stay? Why would she stay? Probably because she adores him. I don’t get it, but Janay has to really love Ray Rice. It goes beyond the money, which indeed has to be a nice feature of life. You have to really love someone, beyond what we might find reasonable, to stay.
I never understood why my mother stayed with my dad after he beat her repeatedly. But one night, he went outside and started firing his pistol. We left and found the police. We packed up all our stuff and left town. My dad was outside crying when we drove off. I couldn’t figure it out. My parents … the very same people who told us if something hurt, you shouldn’t do it anymore … were involved in hurting my mother. Still, she stayed until it was put in crystal clear terms we couldn’t stay if we valued our lives.
And that’s the reality behind domestic violence. You stay because you want your relationship; your marriage to work. You stay because that relationship means something. You stay because you actually love the person and don’t want to give up on them. Sometimes people stay too long. Far too long. Abuse takes many forms, and it isn’t always physical.
Don’t do something if it hurts, right? When I joined the military, I went to shaving class because I had a bad case of razor bumps (PFB). The instructor showed us a shelf with all kinds of shaving creams, shaving gel, aftershaves and the like. He asked how many of us used aftershave? Virtually all of us raised our hands. He then asked, does it hurt? Well, yes, aftershave contains alcohol. “Why would you put something that hurts on your face?”
No one had a good answer for that question. We all do something that hurts us at some point. I hope Janay Palmer gets help for that and her life ends up going well. She doesn’t deserve this kind of attention.