Otherwise known as the Douchebag Hall of Fame, As you know, this blog pays attention to people who are big douchebags. Some of these people are well accomplished. Most are famous for talking, and especially for their often off-base statements. Virtually all of them are “That Guy. You know, the jerk.”
How do you know someone’s a giant bag? There’s no set criterion. YOU KNOW. The thing is, they are so easy to tell. Our main problem is narrowing the list down to a small select few. One way is by eliminating politicians. You have to be a gas bag to be a politician, whether you are or not. People automatically like or dislike you.
An actor or musician is fair game, but they have to be special. Actor Y leaving the country because X gets elected is a douche move but so many of them give their unwanted opinions, it’s hard for one to stand out.
A female bag? It’s almost impossible. Females take image too seriously to come off being a douche.
Without further ado, let’s get to the Big Five:
5. Stephen A. Smith
We loved Stephen A., until he became Screamin’ A. Dude, that’s a microphone in front of you. It’s there so you can be heard. As anti-Cowboys as I am, and I am, his screed after the Cowboys latest playoff failure … the loss to Green Bay where he created an entire show over the latest “disaster waiting to happen” … was, although a glorious start eventually too much, even for me. It’s true not every white person who does something jacked up is a flaming racist, either.
4. Skip Bayless
Everyone knows Skip Bayless is a giant douche, but he revels in his baggery. Absolutely celebrates it. His glory years were with Stephen A. on First Take, so that’s how they get 5th and 4th place on this list. Skip targets LeBron James, one of the greatest basketball players if not the greatest basketball player in history, on a regular basis. Such senseless takes quite clearly make him a bag in our book.
Skip’s undying love for the Dallas Cowboys bumps him up ahead of Smith. That and his belief (although unstated) Troy Aikman was/is gay works him up the list. Not that being gay is a bad thing, but if he was, Troy could have told us himself.
3. Jerry Jones
A no doubt about it, first ballot Douchebag Hall of Famer, Jones has actually been elected into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. So goes the belief that halls of Fame (besides this one) mean anything. It’s a total joke, because the only thing he did was make them more money off a sport that virtually was a billion dollar printing press. I wonder if they’ll pull him from the Hall when the league’s ratings begin to tumble even further.
No one likes a camera on his face more than Jones. For our sake, we wish he’d turn away from the camera in order to keep tears out of our eyes. When Douche Nation becomes a country, Jerry Jones’ face is going to be on the hundred bag bill.
2. LaVar Ball
Jayne Kamin-Oncea/Getty Images
The fact he had children and they appear to be somewhat successful does not make him a good parent. The fact Ball is marketing them like they are the Second Coming makes him a gigantic douche. By anyone’s standard, LaVar Ball is a first rate douche. He accelerates his baggery into the stratosphere by making claims which simply are not true. He claims he could beat Mike Jordan 1 on 1. Ok. Now he’s saying Lonzo Ball is going to get The Lakers into the playoffs. LOL.
People are rooting for Ball’s kids to fail because of him. His marketing tactic is unlikely to succeed, except among people who want to sell Ball’s overpriced stuff on EBay as a collectors item. It is rare to see someone skyrocket to the top of this list, far past luminaries like Phil Jackson, Kevin Durant, Coach K., Daniel Snyder and Chad (any guy named Chad is a bag). LaVar Ball makes it look easy.
1. Alex Rodriguez
Pay-Rod the Juice is at the top of this DB list. He’s the Babe Ruth of Bag-dom. Not only is he a first ballot DB Hall of Famer, he’s the first person into the DB Hall of Fame. Did you know Rodriguez made almost $400 million playing baseball? What makes that number even more astounding is the fact he made nearly $100 million more than the next highest paid player! Although at BSP HQ, his pay really doesn’t matter. BSP believes if you get paid, you deserve to be paid.
It’s all (bad) attitude. How do you cheat on J-Lo? It’s not possible to us, not even something that should be considered. But Pay-Rod the Juice not only cheated on one of BSP’s world’s most beautiful women, he cheated baseball by jabbing himself with Beef-Roids, allegedly cheated on his wife Cynthia with Madonna and now allegedly cheated on J-Lo. The guy has no boundaries.